Caring for the Caregiver
- Lisa Clarabut
- Aug 16
- 3 min read
The Merriam Webster Dictionary definition of a caregiver is this: a person who provides direct care (as for children, elderly people, or the chronically ill). I personally would expand on this and include indirect care as a form of caregiving as well, for example, attending care planning meetings or doctor appointments, delivering groceries, and advocacy.
I have personal experience with caregiving in my roles as a mother and a daughter. I am currently the picture of the “sandwich generation” where I am providing daily parenting caregiving for a young person with diverse needs. While at the same time providing support to my aging parents, one of whom has been diagnosed with a degenerative cognitive disease.
I believe that caregiving is an act of love and a demonstration of our values about what is and who are important to us. I also believe, both personally and professionally, that we need to make space for our own needs while caregiving. If we put others needs before our own, it can lead to resentment and burnout. As cliché as it might sound, we cannot pour from an empty cup. Ta
king care of our own mental and emotional well-being is not selfish - it’s necessary. Especially while caregiving. (If you have read some of my other posts, you will see familiar themes about boundaries, communication, and self-care; I’ve included these links below.)
Caring for the caregiver means taking care of yourself. Here are some practical mental health tips from my personal lived experience and as a counsellor that can help you stay grounded, supported, and resilient:
1. Acknowledge the Emotional Load
Many caregivers experience complex emotions: guilt, resentment, grief, frustration - sometimes all in one day. It's okay to feel these things. You are human.
Tip: Try journaling for 5-10 minutes a day. It can help you process what you’re feeling without judgment. If you find yourself overwhelmed, seeking out a therapist can offer a safe place to unpack those emotions.
More about journaling:
2. Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Boundaries protect your time, energy, and mental space. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to ask for help.
Tip: Start by identifying one small boundary - such as carving out 15 minutes of uninterrupted quiet time - and communicate it clearly to others in your circle. Practice consistency.
More about boundaries:
3. Prioritize Basic Self-Care
When life is demanding, self-care is usually the first thing to go. But even small, consistent acts of care can make a big difference in how you feel.
Tip: Focus on the basics first: sleep, hydration, nutritious meals, and movement. If you're short on time, try a 10-minute walk or a 5-minute meditation. Consistency is more important than duration.
More about self-care and sleep:
4. Stay Connected
Caregiving can feel isolating. Friends may not always understand the full extent of your responsibilities, which can lead to loneliness or disconnection.
Tip: Join a caregiver support group (in person or online) to connect with others who get it. Just talking to someone who understands can be incredibly validating.
5. Ask for - and Accept - Help
You don't have to do this alone. Really. People often want to help but don’t know how.
Tip: Create a list of small, concrete tasks that others can do (e.g., picking up groceries, sitting with your loved one for an hour). When someone offers help, refer to the list and let them choose.
6. Celebrate Small Wins
Caregiving can feel like a marathon without a finish line. Celebrating even small moments of success or connection helps balance the emotional scale.
Tip: At the end of each day, ask yourself: What went well today? Keep a “small wins” notebook - it can be a helpful reminder on harder days.
7. Know the Signs of Burnout
Caregiver burnout is real. Warning signs include chronic fatigue, irritability, feeling hopeless, withdrawing from others, and changes in appetite or sleep.
Tip: If you recognize these signs in yourself, it’s time to pause and reassess. Don’t wait until you’re in crisis to seek support. Talk to a counselor or primary care provider who can guide you toward resources.
You matter, and your health matters. The work you do as a caregiver is incredibly important, and your person needs you to be well so you can be there for them too. Give yourself permission to care for yourself with the same kindness and attention that you give to others. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start, please reach out for support.
Lisa xo
Other helpful resources:
Comments