Life Transitions – Young Adults

First off, I want to say that I love all the people I work with and feel privileged to walk with them through all the various phases of life. I am focusing this blog specifically on the topic of life transitions in young adulthood because I have been inspired recently by the many clients that I am working with who are in this phase of life. These young people are in their late teen years and into their 20s. This stage of life is often called "emerging adulthood," because it is a time of major transitions, self-discovery, and often, intense pressure. There are so many decisions to be made, brand new experiences, and so much uncertainty about the outcomes.

Biologically speaking, this is a time when the brain becomes fully mature, and individuals develop stronger critical thinking and future-oriented planning skills. They are working hard to create a stable identity and sense of self continues to grow. Most young adults continue their quest to determine who they are and what their place in the world is well into their twenties and often into their thirties.

Graduating from high school. Starting a career. Leaving home. Starting post secondary school. First love. Starting a family. Getting married. Traveling without parents. Navigating friendships, identity, love, and loss. These years are filled with firsts - some exciting, some overwhelming, or both at the same time. Many young adults find themselves asking:

• “Who am I?”

• “What do I want?”

• “Am I falling behind?”

• “Why does everyone else seem to have it figured out?”

Let me reassure you, these questions are normal and all part of the growing up process. You may look at social media and see the highlight reels of peers' lives - travel, promotions, engagements, or the “perfect” routines. It is important to remind ourselves that people only show the parts of themselves that they want everyone to see on social media. But behind the scenes, many young adults are feeling anxious, uncertain, and lonely. In therapy, I see how common it is to feel like you’re the only one struggling to keep up. But what I see is most young adults are still figuring it out, and that’s okay. And even when you think you have it all figured out, it is okay to start over or pivot (I mean, I went back to school when I was 41!). Growth doesn’t follow a straight line or a strict timeline.

Common Themes Young Adults Bring to Therapy

While everyone’s experience is unique, there are common themes that come up in my sessions with clients in this age group:

• Fear of the next step: Graduating high school and the pressure to decide about a career choice. For the past 13 years you have gone to school everyday during the week and had the same routine, friend group and expectations - and that is now turned upside down.

• Career confusion and burnout: Choosing a path, finding a job that pays the bills and feels meaningful, or realizing the field you studied isn't a good fit.

• Relationships and boundaries: Navigating romantic relationships and learning about boundaries and who/what to prioritize. Dealing with changing interpersonal relationships, such as friendships or managing family expectations.

• Identity and self-worth: Exploring who you are outside of your upbringing, culture, or societal pressures. Learning how you want to live your life as an independent person from your family of origin.

• Cultivating your support system: The stress of constant change and unknowns can take a toll, especially without support. This can impact your mental health and finding people you trust and who can support you is important (friends, family members, partners, counsellors).

• Life logistics: Budgeting, moving out, managing debt, living with roommates, managing your time with added responsibilities, or just trying to cook something besides instant noodles.

How I Support My Young Adult Clients

Therapy isn’t about having something “wrong” with you. It’s about giving yourself a safe, nonjudgmental space to unpack what you’re carrying and learn to carry it differently, or to work on strategies for letting it go. My role isn’t to give you all the answers. It’s to walk with you as you discover them for yourself. Here’s what that often looks like:

• Validating your experiences: You don’t need to minimize your feelings just because “others have it worse.” Your experience and feelings are valid.

• Building coping skills: Helping you learn how to manage stress, set boundaries, communicate effectively, and regulate emotions.

• Exploring your values: Who are you becoming? What matters most to you? What kind of life do you want to build? What are your goals? What are your boundaries?

• Creating space for reflection: Therapy gives you a pause button in a fast-paced world - a space to think, feel, be heard, and grow without outside pressure.

If you are in this season of life, note for you:

You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Your 20s are not about perfection; they’re about learning, unlearning, and evolving. There is no single “right” way to be 19, 24, or 29. You are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to change your mind or to pivot. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to be a work in progress and not have all the answers (p.s: none of us have all the answers).

If you are a parent of a young adult, a note for you:

Be patient. Try to remember what it was like for you at this age. And also remember that times have changed - things are not the same as when we were young adults, the cost of living is higher, and they have social media to deal with. Don’t project your goals onto your kids, they are their own person. Reflect on what is important, do you want to have a place in your adult child’s life? Do you want them to turn toward you when they need support and advice? If so, be mindful of judgement and expectations that you might hold. Get curious, ask what they need and how you can show up for them.

Finally, if you are a young adult looking for support, please reach out. Whether it is with me or another counsellor, you deserve a space where your voice is heard. Investing in your mental health now can shape how you navigate the rest of your life.

Lisa xo

Resources:

UVic Student Wellness: https://www.uvic.ca/student-wellness/wellness-resources/mental-health/index.php

Camosun Health & Wellness: https://camosun.ca/services/health-and-wellness/counselling-centre

Royal Roads Wellness: https://www.royalroads.ca/wellness

Foundry: https://foundrybc.ca/victoria/ 

Find community resources: https://bc.211.ca/