When Asking for Help Feels Hard (and ideas for how to help it get easier)

I think it is fairly safe to say that most of us have been at a point in our lives where we have felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and know we could use some support. But sometimes the idea of actually asking for help can bring up a lot of beliefs about ourselves and others that we may need help examining. Maybe you are telling yourself thoughts like: “I should be able to handle this”. Or you might be worrying about the perception that others have of you and that you will seem weak, needy, or burdensome.

This struggle comes up quite often in sessions with clients and shows up at all ages and stages of life. I can relate; I have had moments throughout my life where I have had to reflect on my needs and then push out of my comfort zone to ask for help once I have identified what I need. There are very real reasons why asking for help can feel deeply uncomfortable. But the wonderful thing about being human is that we have the capacity for change and growth. This can start by reflecting on why asking for help may feel hard for you. Here are some ideas that can help you explore this concept:

Why Is Asking for Help So Uncomfortable?

Beliefs About Independence & “Pushing Through”

We live in a society that glorifies independence and hustle culture. Messages such as “be strong” or “handle it yourself” can become deeply ingrained, and this can leave us feeling like needing help means failing in some way. When in reality, no one is truly self-sufficient. We all need connection, collaboration, community, and care. And we are all deserving of taking time for rest, slowing down, taking a break, and nourishing ourselves.

It Makes Us Feel Vulnerable

Asking for help often means admitting we are struggling. That can feel incredibly vulnerable - because you are letting people know the truth of your experience and there could be fear of judgment, rejection, or shame. It is important to be thoughtful about who you share your vulnerability with. Asking for help can be tender and you want to choose someone who can hold you with compassion.

We Fear Being a Burden

Many people worry they will “put someone out” by asking for support. The funny thing is that most people want to help - we just need to give them the opportunity and clarify what we need. If it is hard to imagine how you would not be a burden, consider this: when a friend reaches out to you, do you think they are burdening you? Or do you feel honoured that they trust you enough to be vulnerable?

We Have Had Negative Past Experiences

Sometimes, people avoid asking for help because they have been dismissed, ignored, or shamed in the past. Perhaps this is the messaging you received growing up from family, society, or gender norms. This assumption that you are supposed to and should be able to handle whatever life throws at you. These messages can stick around for a long time and require self-work to undo them. Your hesitation makes sense, and you still deserve support. The right people will respond with care and respect.

How Can We Get More Comfortable Asking for Help?

If asking for help feels overwhelming, try these steps:

1. Check the story you are telling yourself

Notice what beliefs pop up when you think about asking for help. Are you telling yourself things like, “I should be able to do this alone” or “They’ll think I’m weak”? Gently challenge those narratives. What if needing help simply meant… you are human?

2. Start small

You do not have to begin with a big, vulnerable ask. Try it out with something small, such as asking a friend to listen for five minutes, or delegating a task at work. These small steps build your comfort and confidence with the practice of asking for help.

3. Make a list of support needs

Sometimes it can be hard to ask for help because you don’t even know where to start. Take a bit of time to think about what you might need before you ask. For example, if you’ve had a recent surgery that leaves you unable to lift things for a while, you might need someone to bring you groceries or come over and do your laundry.

4. Practice receiving

Many of us are better at giving help than receiving it. This can feel uncomfortable at first if you are not used to receiving support, but relationships are based on mutual support. Practice saying “thank you” instead of “sorry” when someone helps you. This will help shift the idea that you are worthy of receiving help.

5. Make a list of support people

Once you know what your specific needs are, it can be helpful to write down a few people or resources you could turn to in different situations. Situations can require different types of support from different people  - emotional support, practical help, or professional guidance. Having a list makes it easier to reach out in the moment.

6. Use clear & compassionate language

When asking for help, you want to be direct, since people cannot know what you need without reading your mind. Letting people know what you need gives them a chance to show up. You could try phrases like:

“I’m going through something hard, and I could really use someone to talk to.”

“I’m feeling overwhelmed, would you be open to helping me with ________________?”

7. Keep self-compassion close

Asking for help can feel hard at first, but it does get easier the more you do it. It is important to be kind to yourself as you navigate this new vulnerable space. Remember to treat yourself and your need for support the way you would treat a friend, with tenderness.

Asking for help is an act of strength, not a sign of weakness. It is how we build connection, deepen trust, and remind ourselves that we deserve support. You are doing the best you can, and it is okay to need others. We are not made to do this life alone; we are wired for connection and through vulnerability comes the connection.

I am here if you want to reach out,

Lisa xo

“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage” -Brene Brown