How to Quiet Our Inner Critic
- Lisa Clarabut
- May 4
- 3 min read
Many of us have a voice inside our head that can be overly critical. It might be telling us that we are not good enough, brave enough, or smart enough. In the psychology world, we call this voice our inner critic. The inner critic can be very harsh and mean when we make mistakes, offering put downs and negative self-talk. It might say things like "you're so stupid, lazy, boring... (fill in the blank here)".
Inner Critic sounds like: | Inner Coach sounds like: |
-focuses on the negative | -supportive and encouraging words |
-is mean and unfriendly | -is hopeful and focuses on possibilities |
-focuses on problems | -is friendly and neutral |
-is judgmental and critical | -recognizes progress over perfection |
-destructive thinking | -is objective |
Listening to the inner critic can be a huge source of distress and can leave us feeling even worse about ourselves. It can also keep us from doing the things in life that are important to us. It can lead us down a path of behaviours like procrastination and avoiding trying new things. Studies show that being harsh towards ourselves doesn't increase our motivation but can actually bring about anxiety and depression.

So, why do we have this critical voice? It can be hard to know the exact reason why. Some of us have it because of the environment we grew up in, perhaps from overly critical messages that we internalized from childhood. It could also be the result of living through a traumatic experience, struggling with perfectionism, or low self-esteem.
The role of the inner critic is to remind you of perceived and real threats. Such as: | The role of the inner coach is to provide you with supportive words to foster your growth. It encourages you by reminding you to: |
-your biggest fears | -try new things |
-past mistakes | -learn and grow |
-things that could potentially hurt you | -use kindness and self-compassion |
-beliefs about yourself that keep you stuck | -continue to show up as your best self |
What can we do about this nagging critic? Well, it's unlikely that we will ever be able to completely silence the critical voice, and there are some skills we can practice for trying to manage it better. Here are some tips:
Notice: start paying attention to when your inner critical voice is getting loud. Pay attention to your self-talk.
Get curious: what is speaking to myself like this giving me? Would I speak to a baby or my best friend this way?
Name it: it can be helpful to externalize the critical voice and give it a name. For example, I might catch my critical voice by saying to myself, "oh, the jerk is chiming in now” and reminding myself that I'm not going to give "the jerk" my attention.
Develop your inner coach: ask yourself, what would a kind and supportive voice sound like? What would my best friend or counsellor say to me if I made a mistake?
Practice: practice noticing and approaching yourself with the self-compassionate voice of your inner coach.

Remember that this isn’t something that is going to change overnight, it takes practice and self-awareness. I promise you that you deserve to be spoken to with kindness. Try it out. If this is something that feels relatable and you'd like to explore how this is impacting you, please reach out,
Lisa xo
For more information, check out these resources:
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