How to Practice Self-Compassion

We can be thoughtful, capable, caring individuals AND still have moments of experiencing self-doubt, myself included. About 7 years ago I came across Kristen Neff’s book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. Reading this book led me down a personal journey of working on changing the way that I spoke to myself. It introduced me to tuning into my inner dialogue and the research behind why being kind to myself is so important. If you are someone who notices that you have a self-critical internal dialogue, sets unattainably high expectations for yourself, and dwells perceived mistakes, then read on. Learn how to extend that same kindness that you would to a friend, by turning it towards yourself as a tool to benefit your well-being.

What Is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is the practice of relating to yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience - especially in moments of difficulty or perceived failure. It is not about letting yourself “off the hook” or avoiding responsibility. Rather, it’s about recognizing that being human includes making mistakes, feeling pain, and facing limitations. At its core, self-compassion has three elements:

• Self-kindness instead of self-criticism

• Common humanity instead of isolation

• Mindful awareness instead of over-identification with thoughts and emotions

When these elements come together, they create a more balanced and supportive inner dialogue.

Why Self-Compassion Matters

Many people believe that being hard on themselves is what keeps them motivated or successful. When chronic self-criticism often leads to increased anxiety, burnout, and even avoidance. When your inner voice is constantly judging or shaming you, it becomes harder, not easier, to grow.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, creates psychological safety. It allows you to acknowledge mistakes without becoming overwhelmed by them. From this place, change becomes more sustainable because it is driven by care, not fear. Research consistently shows that self-compassion is linked to:

• Greater emotional resilience

• Lower levels of anxiety and depression

• Improved relationships

• Increased motivation rooted in self-worth rather than self-criticism

I have seen the benefits of self-compassion in the therapy room (and with myself), when clients begin to soften their inner voice, they also become more open, more courageous, and more willing to engage with their lives.

Common Barriers to Self-Compassion

If self-compassion feels difficult, you are not alone. Many people worry that it will make them complacent or self-indulgent. Others feel undeserving of kindness, especially if they carry shame or past experiences of criticism. It is important to understand that self-compassion is a skill, not a personality trait. It can be learned and strengthened over time, even if it feels unfamiliar at first. There are many ideas for working on this on your own, read the book, take the quiz, increase your mindfulness about your inner voice, or bring it up with your counsellor.

How to Practice Self-Compassion

Here are some practical ways to begin integrating self-compassion into your daily life:

1. Notice Your Inner Dialogue

Start by paying attention to how you speak to yourself, particularly during moments of stress or failure. Would you say those same words to a friend? If not, that’s a sign your inner voice may need softening.

2. Pause and Acknowledge Your Experience

When something difficult happens, take a moment to name what you’re feeling: “This is hard,” or “I’m really struggling right now.” This simple act of recognition can reduce emotional intensity and create space for care.

3. Offer Yourself Kindness

Try responding to yourself with warmth. You might say, “It makes sense that I feel this way,” or “I’m doing the best I can right now.” These phrases may feel awkward initially, but with repetition, they begin to feel more natural. If this doesn’t feel doable, I will often suggest that clients try to channel my voice, or the voice of a loved one -what would they say to you right now?

4. Remember You’re Not Alone

Whatever you are experiencing, others have likely felt something similar. Reminding yourself of this shared humanity can reduce feelings of isolation and shame.

5. Use Supportive Physical Gestures

Sometimes self-compassion can be felt physically. Placing a hand over your heart, taking a deep breath, or wrapping yourself in a blanket can help signal safety to your nervous system.

6. Challenge the Myth of “Not Enough”

Notice when your self-worth becomes tied to achievement, productivity, or perfection. Gently remind yourself that your value is not contingent on performance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLPvyij0XMA

Self-compassion is not about becoming a different person, it is about changing the way you relate to the person you already are. In my work, some of the most meaningful shifts I witness are not dramatic transformations, but quiet ones: a client pausing before criticizing themselves, choosing a kinder thought, or allowing themselves to rest without guilt. These moments may seem small, but they are powerful. They represent a new way of being, one grounded in self-respect, care, and humanity. This is an invitation to try responding to yourself with the same care and kindness as you would to a friend.

If you are interested in learning more about how to practice self-compassion, check out this resource: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/#self-compassion-exercises

Or take this quiz: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/ 

Take good care,

Lisa xo