Tackling Negative Thoughts
- Lisa Clarabut
- Feb 7
- 5 min read
Our brains are so amazing; they allow us to problem solve, feel feelings, hold memories, and move our bodies. But they can also be a pain when it comes to negative thinking. It happens to all of us, it is human wiring that we have negative thinking. Back in the days of living in caves, having an over-active brain was helpful to us. It would allow is to predict what might go wrong as we were constantly scanning for danger and running worst case scenarios through our minds.
Research shows that 80% of our thoughts are negative, which means that we spend a lot of time thinking about the bad stuff. As humans, we also have something called negativity bias, which means that we notice the negative things 5 times more than 1 positive thing. For me, knowing this information helps me to remember that I must be intentional in my efforts to pay attention to the positive – because the negative is easy to see.
There are some common negative thinking traps that we all fall into. It can help to know what they are, so you can keep a look out for them:
Fortune-telling: This is when we predict the outcome of something, and it is always a negative prediction. Ex. “If I go to the party, I will have no one to talk to.”
Black-and- white thinking: This is when only look at situations in terms of extremes. Such as things are either good or bad, a success or a failure. There is no room for the gray area of the in between in life. Ex. “Anything less than perfect is failure.” Instead of saying “I studied really hard for that test and tried my best AND I still did not get the perfect high grade I was hoping for”.
Mind-reading: This happens when we believe that we know what others are thinking and we assume that they
are thinking the worst of us. This is common with negative thoughts about social situations or comparison. Ex. “she thinks my ideas are stupid”.
Over-generalization: This is when we use words like “always” or “never” to describe situations or events. This type of thinking is not helpful because it does not take the context of the situation into account. Ex. “I always make mistakes.” Or “I am never good at public speaking.”
Labeling: Sometimes we talk to ourselves in mean ways and use a single negative word to describe ourselves. This kind of thinking is unhelpful and unfair. Ex. “I’m stupid”.
Over-estimating danger: This is when we believe that something that is unlikely to happen is actually right around the corner. This is like a sense of impending dome or fear. Ex. “I will faint.” Or “I’m going to throw up”.
Filtering: This happens when we only pay attention to the bad things that happen, but ignore all the good
things. Ex. You give a presentation and most people in the audience were looking at their phones and several people came up to you afterwards and complimented you on the topic you spoke about. Meanwhile, you think that everyone hated what you had to say.
Catastrophizing: This is when we imagine that the worst possible thing is about to happen and predict that we won’t be able to cope with the outcome. Ex. “I’ll freak out and no one will help.”
Should statements: This is when you tell yourself how you “should”, “must”, or “ought” to feel and behave. Even when this is NOT how you actually feel or behave. Ex. “I should never make mistakes.”
These negative thoughts can be so automatic that it can be hard to even notice that we are doing it. So, noticing them is the first step to tacking them.
Step 1: Notice
Squish the ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
Notice the negative thoughts. Ask yourself what thinking trap am I falling into? Get curious about the thought. Where did it come from? How do you know it is true? You can try asking yourself, is there a situation that is triggering these thoughts? Or what do you notice about your feelings and behaviours when you are having these thoughts? Ask yourself, will this matter in 5 months, or 5 years?
Step 2: Reframing
Is there an alternate thought or different way to think about this?
It can also be helpful to put the negative thoughts on trial, for example imagine you are thinking that your coworkers don’t like you. Ask yourself where is the evidence for this? Practice putting the negative thought on trial – is it a thought or a fact? How do you know, can you read their minds? Sometimes, just stopping to look for the evidence can help you gain perspective. It can also be helpful to think, what would you tell a friend, and can I say this to myself? Can you try reframing these thoughts, for example turning the thought “what if I make a mistake?” into “everyone makes mistakes sometimes”.
Step 3: Take Action
Do the thing that scares you
Find small actionable ways to push yourself out of your of comfort zone. For example, I really dislike being the center of attention and public speaking (that’s why I write!) – but over the years I have intentionally put myself in situations where I have had to speak in front of a group to help myself get more comfortable with it. Doing the thing can help to challenge the negative narrative about the action.
Write it out
Try using a gratitude journal, and ask yourself what went well at the end of each day? Draw attention to the positive thought, or the glimmers from your day. It does not need to be a big thing; it could be that you ate a yummy meal or the sun was shining. This will help to counterbalance our naturally negative sided brains.
Practice relaxation skills such as deep breathing, journaling, guided meditation, yoga, time in nature and grounding exercises (like noticing your 5 senses). Making this a routine when you are feeling calm will help to lower your stress levels and make it easier to do when you are feeling anxious in the moment. The more you use the skills the easier it will get – like working a muscle by going to the gym.
Acceptance
Try to make friends with the anxiety. Imagine that the anxiety is an annoying character that is always with you, sometimes it’s voice gets loud and sometimes you have to tell it to be quiet. You could say to yourself, “oh, there’s that voice again, I hear that you are trying to keep me safe, but I’ve got this”.
Work on creating healthy self-care habits regarding diet, exercise, social time, and sleep. Research shows that there is a direct link between managing anxious thoughts and participating in regular exercise.
Use distraction for short term relief (watch something funny, listen to music, or do something creative). I often hear clients say that distraction is the easiest way to deal with overthinking. This is true for the short term, and in the moment when the negative thoughts are swirling.
Practice self-compassion. I always like to remind myself and people I work with that everyone gets negative thoughts sometimes and there is nothing wrong with you. Remember to be kind and patient with yourself.
Seek support from a healthcare professional. Talk to your doctor or counsellor about options and support for helping you through this (regular counselling, medication, workbooks). Sometimes talking it out can help to make it feel less overwhelming and offer a shift in perspective.
Self-help resources:
I hope you found this helpful and reach out if you’d like to connect,
Lisa
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