Living with Grief
- Lisa Clarabut
- Jul 10, 2024
- 2 min read
Grief is the normal experience of reacting to loss. Usually there is a life changing event that the person is adapting to, but it does not always mean dealing with death. The feeling of grief can be experienced when someone has suffered the death of a loved one or a pet. But people can also feel grief for many other reasons, such as: moving homes or schools, loss of a job, a breakup/divorce, loss of cultural identity or language, change in lifestyle (illness, change in ability, or diagnosis), loss of friendships, or experiencing a traumatic event.
A person in grief is a unique mixture of fragility and resilience.
-David Kessler
Some of the symptoms of grief can include:
· trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating
· isolation and avoiding social situations
· increased anxiety or low mood
· physical symptoms (stomach aches, headaches, tiredness)
· troubling thoughts (replaying the situation in your mind, questioning the meaning of life, thoughts of no longer wanting to be alive)
· challenging feelings like anger, sadness, guilt, shock, numbness
Things that can be helpful to remind yourself of when grieving:
· there is no timeline for the grieving process
· there is no right or wrong way to grieve
· grief can be sneaky and pop up when you least expect it
· anniversaries and birthdays can be hard, especially the first year after a loss and for the years to come
· go slow and be gentle with yourself
Each person will respond, cope, and grieve differently, and in their own way. Here are some tools to try:
· get support from friends and family
· look after yourself and try to stick to basic routines: eat regularly (even if you don’t feel hungry), drink water, rest when needed, and exercise
· give yourself time to grieve and adjust to the changes
· find healthy ways to express your feelings (art, journaling, therapy, music)
· use distractions as needed
The challenging thing about living with grief is that no one can take the pain away. It is a universal human experience that we will all have to go through in life. What I have found helpful, both personally and professionally, is to validate and normalize the pain. Meaning that the sadness, anger, or regret all make sense when someone is experiencing grief, and it can be healing to find someone to witness this, to tell you that your feelings are normal. I’ve included the ball in the box visual as I think it is a good representation of how what living with grief is like:
Grief can be complicated and all consuming. Please take good care of yourself and if you are finding that you need more support, reach out to your doctor, counsellor or the resources below:
Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.
-Megan Devine (author of It’s OK That You’re Not OK)
Send me a note if you’d like to connect lisaclarabutrcc@gmail.com
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